News From Italy

So we're in Italy. It's hot, expensive and wonderful. I could tell you about the traditional things, like seeing David or riding in a Venetian gondolier, but I think I know my audience; I think I'll tell you about Italian television instead.

Lisa has discovered two things which she feels are universal, common to people where-ever they fall upon this Earth: the look that a mother gives a misbehaving child (no translation necessary); and Italian King Arthur/Power Rangers hybrid television shows (again, no translation is necessary). Flipping through channels we found this thing that simply looked like a low-budget rendition of King Arthur's legend, but it turned out to be so much more!

Somehow it seems that they got Ian McKellan, or his twin brother, to play Merlin. He's advising Lancelot; and if the wild gestures are any indication, he's saying something pretty important. We cut to the castle courtyard where knights are practicing their knighting techniques. Suddenly that rocky guy from Fantastic Four (The Thing? I'ma call him 'Bruce') runs in wearing foam armor. The knights chatted with him for a bit before he said something offensive, probably about Guinnevere and her well-documented sluttiness. The knights attack but Bruce shoots a laser at them, knocking them all over like bowling pins! Snap! Lancelot and Guinnevere run out of the castle and, with three of the other knights, transform into Medieval Power Rangers. They shoot lasers at Bruce until he leaves. Rather than follow him, they go back to looking for the grail or avoiding the plague or whatever it was that they'd been up to previously.

Bruce goes and gets a guy who looks just like Tim from The Holy Grail. They raise an army of about seven people and attack Camelot. A sentry raises the alarm and Arthur's army of nine or so assembles and rushes to meet Tim and Bruce's army. The Power Rangers, well aware of the horrific damage that Bruce's laser can do, rush to join the fight. Two of them even drive super Italian King Arthur/Power Ranger Hybrid Supercars to the battle! Immediately upon their arrival, Guinnevere gets captured, prompting Gallahad to question the decision to allow a girl to join their team. One of the Rangers shoots a laser at Bruce, Tim, and some sorceress who's joined them, knocking them all over. Guinnevere escapes, but Tim and Bruce steal the Power Rangers's pimp rides.

Lancelot goes home and goes to bed for the rest of the story.

Tim, Bruce and The Sorceress (I'm making it her name by capitalizing it) attack the castle again. Ian McKellan tries to persuade Lancelot to get out of bed, but nothing doing. The other Power Rangers shoot lasers at the opposing knights, knocking them over repeatedly. Gallahad even tried shooting them a second time when they were already down, but the laser does not affect those already on their asses (that's basic physics).

The Rangers retreat into Lancelot's bedroom where together they conjure magic to get Lancelot out of bed. Everyone wins! Fin.

The only English in this story were the words 'Mystik Knyghts' (I hope that's how they spell it). It was produced by Fox, so maybe it's on in the states. Like I said, the appeal is universal.
We also watched an episode of the Miss Italia contest. The episode was clearly filmed on a soundstage in front of no audience. There was no applause, no talent portion and no swimsuits. After standing around for half an hour they gave a phone number so that you could call and vote for your Miss Italia (based solely on a shot of all of the conestants at a distance). If Monica Belluci wasn't there, I'm abstaining.

I hope whatever you're doing is pretty decent too.